


Lay Low

by beatperfume



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Episode: s03e17 Heavenly Fire, M/M, Post-Episode: s03e16 Stay With Me, Pre-Episode: s03e17 Heavenly Fire, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-03-08 06:09:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18888730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beatperfume/pseuds/beatperfume
Summary: do they keep me afloat//or just wrap around my throat like a noose on a rope?//probably both





	Lay Low

**Author's Note:**

> This was written after 3x16, but before 3x17 aired, so it takes into account the previews, but not what actually happened in 3x17. I posted it to my tumblr and then just ... forgot ... to post it here. Sorry, there was grad school.
> 
> Title and summary from [Lay Low](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nElVTkXmLo) by Shovels and Rope.
> 
> This is too short to be betad so it just is how it is now.

_Fumblin’ through all of the letters and notes_  
_The ones that you wrote_  
_Do they keep me afloat_  
_Or just wrap around my throat like a noose on a rope?_  
_Probably both_

_-Shovels and Rope, Lay Low_

_  
_

“So what can I do?” Alec asked.

“Nothing,” Magnus said, and when Alec looked devastated, he made himself go on. “That’s not an indictment of you, Alexander. This isn’t something that you can fix by doing something, okay?” Short of getting Magnus his magic back, but Magnus wasn’t going to mention that because he was starting to be genuinely afraid of what Alec might do if he asked. “What you _can_ do is just …”

“What?” Alec said. He took Magnus’ hand in both of his.

“Just be here,” Magnus said. “Just, keep being you. Bring me breakfast sometimes. Take me out when I have the energy. Tell me stories of all the stupid people you have to deal with. Kiss me so hard I forget about the entire world. But also …”

Alec nodded eagerly and Magnus had the sense that if he wasn’t holding onto Magnus’ hand, he might be writing this all down word for word.

“Don’t let me off the hook,” Magnus said. “I know I’m not exactly great company right now, but I don’t want this relationship to become one-sided, where I just take and take and take and never give anything back.”

“That will never happen,” Alec said. “And you’re always great company.” The conviction behind those words was a little weaker than it might have been a few days ago. Considering how they’d been screaming at each other 12 hours ago, that was fair. “Most of the time,” Alec amended.

Almost unwillingly, a smile stretched across Magnus’ face. “I love you, Alexander.”

“I love you too,” Alec said immediately.

“I know,” Magnus said. “This is just going to take time. I can’t be fixed like _that_ ,” he snapped his fingers. _Like magic_ , neither of them said.

Magnus still wasn’t sure he’d get through this. Or that he’d get through this without alienating Alec completely. But every time he was tempted to go find Lorenzo or some other, even less reputable warlock to pump magic into him, he’d just have to think of Catarina when he stayed with her last night, flatly describing Alec bent over Magnus’ body, giving him chest compressions and begging Catarina to save him.

He couldn’t quite see the point of living without magic for himself, but he could for Alec, and for now that had to be enough.

“Okay,” Alec said. “But you’ll tell me if you do need something? Or if you need me to not do something, Or –”

Magnus cut Alec off with a finger to his lips. “I’ll do my best,” he said. He was pretty sure Alec had no idea of what he was really in for. But if last night had proved anything, it had at least proved that Alec was in it for the long haul.

Alec kissed the tip of his finger. “Me too.”

“That’s all we can ask for. And Alec, I do want …”

“I know,” Alec said. “But not yet, right?”

“A wise man once told me that if we’re always running after the next moment, we’ll miss the one we’re in.”

Alec huffed. “Why am I only wise when you can use it against me later?”

“But I’m not against you. I’m with you. Are you with me?”

“Of course,” Alec said.

And that was all Magnus could ask for.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on [Twitter](http://twitter.com/beatperfume)|[Tumblr](http://beatperfume.tumblr.com)|[Pillowfort](http://www.pillowfort.social/beatperfume), mostly in that order.


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